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Within a month of attempting to maintain my rotation, though, I disappointed one guy enough to get the, “I need to respect myself and not see you anymore” text. Even though I was into him and disappointed he wanted to cut the cord, I knew I wasn’t ready to be a girlfriend again so soon.

(Despite the old-school belief that men are born to "sow their wild seeds," some men want monogamy, too, duh.)Gretchen, a 30-year old producer living in Los Angeles, says relationships in her rotation also seem to be short-lived.

If it causes you unnecessary stress, or you’re using the relationships to avoid other issues, opt out.

And, if you're meeting a lot of interesting people, "keeping your options open," and having a blast?

My many relationships have fallen somewhere between a string of not-so-great first dates and being in love.

I've enjoyed the fun aspects of being with a partner without being tied down to one person emotionally.

“It helps to be selective and seek people who are independent enough to not need lots of attention or you get sucked in to a relationship-like situation quickly.”Then there’s the slippery question that looms: I know I can casually date a few people at once, but is it possible to have strong feelings for more than one person at a time?

“I feel like I would stop immediately if I met someone I really liked.” Gretchen, a former multi-dater who is now in a committed, long-term relationship, says: “Having a rotation worked for me, and I had fun.

It got kind of difficult with all of the drama, though.”Cassie*, a 30-year-old designer living in Brooklyn, got out of her rotation only after one date asked her to be monogamous with him. “But, he always brought me on amazing experiences, and it’s hard not to fall for someone when each experience is so fun.”For some women, having a rotation with the hopes of ultimately meeting a long-term partner can also be unfulfilling.

I was fresh out of a relationship, breakup wounds still searing.

But, rather than stay single, I figured out what the hell I wanted from my next long-term partner, dived straight into dating, and found myself in the middle of a rotation — that is, seeing a multitude of men, all noncommittally.




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But for a couple of hours those issues need to be tabled. The one where you show up and the person you meet looks nothing like their online photos, or you quickly realize though your date is nice, he is not the guy for you. I must say the best advice I have ever received came from a friend now married to her second husband who said whatever you do, it should feel natural. Do your best to relax because likely your date has a touch of the jitters, too. By middle age everyone, including those who have never been married, has a unique story to tell about how they came to be your date. Dating in our forties, fifties, and beyond takes more effort than arranging on the fly to meet at the campus center after Psychology class. You have a lot to offer, but remember everyone is looking for something different, and therefore not necessarily for you. A couple of years ago, a guy I started seeing invited me to lunch for our third date. When I’m with a man who bashes his ex wife, and who talks about her condescendingly, I take note and heed the red flag he’s waving.


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